An unwelcome visitor...Periods and PMS!

I think I must have matured a bit since I wrote this post. I have just a few thoughts about rejoining the woman of the world after so many years of being pregnant and nursing. I want to share my thoughts on the subject of hormones and periods and PMS but am having a hard time getting the words out, publicly. So I guess what I want to say, to people like my grandma and my mom maybe, if you don't want to read about this subject, about PMS and beginning again, please turn the page. You don't have to read it just because I typed it and published it. This is more for me and maybe for another mom who feels like I do, than for the masses, but it's my blog and I'm going to post it here if I want to. Turn away if you must.

My little friend returned last month. I was not a big fan then and I am not a big fan now. It had been 18 months to the week that "we" had been separated, and it was a very nice hiatus. I enjoyed it immensely. In fact, I am hurt and annoyed that she came back to visit so soon. David was just 9 months (almost exactly) when she came back. I am still nursing and I still have a baby keeping me up at night. There are so many reasons why this is just not fair, not to mention the fact that she is unneeded now that I am finished with the baby making and carrying, etc. I feel a bit used up now that I have 4 kids and don't really need this reproduction cycle any more. I have had thoughts about pulling it altogether, but I know that is much harder than it sounds and after all it is natural. I just don't like it so much.

Something people don't talk about, related to birth, is that after the birth of consecutive children, the after pains are worse and worse. Your body might be more efficient in the act of giving birth and recovering from it, but it has more work to do to get back to "normal" and that work hurts. The tightening of the muscles and the getting back into place in not without notice. With each of my babies I noticed it more and more. After Addie was born I was shaking and having muscles contractions in my legs that I just didn't expect and my contractions didn't seem to end just because a baby was finally pushed out! It was tough and unexpected! I didn't deal with this when I have Mayzie. And with each child afterward I knew to be prepared.

Similarly, People don't talk about periods after birth. People don't talk about periods much at all really. I mean who wants to! After giving birth to four babies, I had no idea that my period would come back with such a vengeance! It is heavy and painful. I didn't expect this. I feel like a naive teenager all over again. I want other moms to know. I want you to be prepared, not scared, but ready with the necessary ammunition (that of your choice, mine is chocolate for now). 

It's difficult to think that life will continue this way for too long. I have been assured by a few female friends that this is just the first few months after birth. Did I forget about this from the other 3? Or is it really so different this time? I don't know, but I am not enjoying this little visitor. I am ready to kick it out of the house. Actually I am ready to kick myself out of the house! I told John that I wish women still went into the woods for a week to take care of business and returned to the world when it was all over. John replied by saying that I should be able to go to a spa for a week and come home when ready. He's a smart smart man! No wonder I married him. And I say that you should at least get to be pampered this way when the first one comes back. It is so shocking! So unfair! I am sure after a while I will get used to it again, but I am not handling it all so well at the moment.

It's not only the act of cycling, but the pre-act of it that is hard. The PMS! I was cranky and bloated and grumpy and craving crazy foods, wanting to lay down and watch TV with cartons of ice cream and home made cookies. I was anti social and even missed my mom's night with my favorite friend. I was lazy and tired and HORMONAL! And thank goodness for the wonderful, observant man in my life. He looked at the calendar and pointed to the little circled "P" I had written in the box 3 days from then and pointed to it when I was frowny and questioning my ability to be a nice and sane person. He didn't judge, he just pointed. He helped me notice what I couldn't put my finger on. And there it was. And I felt much much better just knowing that there was a reason for my attitude. Not that it's so nice to feel like a monster at any moment, but at least when there is an obvious reason, like the mountain of changing hormones inside my completely used up mom body, it kinda makes you feel like the cookie in your hand is warranted and allows you to take it like the medicine you need. The knowing helps just a little bit. 

But still I feel like a teenage girl. I am re-learning how to deal with this gracefully. I am learning how to deal with 4 little people while also dealing with a visitor. I am learning to think of all that is really going on inside rather than simply judging my crazy needs or feelings. There are really a huge amount of hormones being dumped on my each week. Because of the many pregnancies I have had, I like to think that I have a war zone going on inside of me, and with that thought I can put my feet up with a lot less guilt. I can make the chocolate chip cookies I need without hesitation. And I can start to prepare and schedule my other medicine...work outs! I know that running and swimming and getting this body moving will really help both in the moment of the "war" and also might keep the hormones from building up so much. A run and a work out just might make the war a little more mellow and peaceful. So with a little custom amount of ammunition in my back pocket, I am planning to be ready for week 3 and onward. Good luck to you too! it's not easy being the mom. It's not easy being a woman!